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Positive Covid test

Have your thoughts about the ancestry of your positive Covid test?

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Whereas I did not desire to be a part of this

Willis is the founder and director of Oregon's Kitchen Table at Portland State University and executive director of the Deliberative Democracy Consortium. She is the author of a textbook, a book of essays and two books of poems.

Whereas I did not desire in childhood to be a part of this
but desired most of all to be a part. A piece combined with
others to make up a whole. Some but not all of something.
- Layli Long Soldier

I am lingering in the hazy contrails of Covid. I am no longer sick, exactly, but I feel as if I have lost my edges. I am slightly vague, somehow. I find myself searching for nouns, especially those that come at the end of a multipart sentence. Midway through my usual flat and not-that-fast walk around my neighborhood, I start glancing at my neighbors’ porches, wondering if they mind if I just sit for a minute before I amble on. I strain to remember the day of the week and, sometimes, even the month. I lie down at the slightest provocation.

Thanks to Big Pharma and Dr. Anthony Fauci, I am vaccinated within an inch of my life and am feeling relatively safe. So on Easter Sunday, after many holidays alone, we gathered a small circle of family members around our dining room table. I sat next to an elderly relative, patting his arm, dishing up his plate, relishing the contact and so glad for the chance to dote over someone not in my immediate household. But, unbeknownst to us, there was an outbreak in the assisted living facility where our dear relation lives, and that — as they say — was that. Within 36 hours, I had a headache and a sore throat. The next morning, I had bad cold symptoms. When I took the government-issue rapid test, it said I was very pregnant — er, positive. So was my husband.

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After months of hand-washing and mask-wearing and hiding behind a laptop screen, I got Covid. I got sick. But not that sick, really. Unlike millions of Americans, we were fine. I was fine. My husband was fine. Our cousin, Moshe, was fine.

But I cannot stop perseverating on where this illness came from. And by that, I don’t mean what country the virus originated in. And I don’t mean that I have adopted some conspiracy theory about a government plot to control our minds and our votes.

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Solidarity with Ukraine
Andriy Onufriyenko/Getty Images

Tut, tut: Notes on an invitation to solidarity

Willis is the founder and director of Oregon's Kitchen Table at Portland State University and executive director of the Deliberative Democracy Consortium. She is the author of a textbook, a book of essays and two books of poems.

Blessed are those
who break off from separateness
theirs is wild
Heaven.
-Jean Valentine, “The Harrowing”

They told us what was coming. So I — like so many others around the world — coiled myself into a fatalistic ball waiting for the Russians to roll across the border into Ukraine. Two days, Vladimir Putin supposedly told his troops. Two days, and the Russians would be, if not greeted as liberators, at least accepted as neighborly occupiers. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and his cabinet would flee to some sympathetic nation in Central Europe, and the world would move on. That was the plan, at least. And it was a plan that, somewhere in the back of my head, I accepted.

Of course, as we all know now, that was not what the citizens of Ukraine had in mind. Zelensky stayed. The Ukrainian people have banded together and delivered babies and fed neighbors and torn down street signs, and fought and fought. Russian troops have grown increasingly brutal. They are raping and murdering civilians. They are shelling hospitals. Thousands upon thousands of Ukrainians have been killed, many of them dumped into mass graves dug on the edges of suburban neighborhoods. Millions more have fled.

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So what are we to do? Of course, President Biden and Prime Minister Sanna Marin of Finland and Chinese President Xi Jinping and the U.N. Security Council have real decisions to make. But what about the rest of us?

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Confederate flag in the U.S. Capitol

For the first time in history, a Confederate battle flag was displayed inside the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images

I love uncertain gestures: On ritual and radicalism

Willis is the founder and director of Oregon's Kitchen Table at Portland State University and executive director of the Deliberative Democracy Consortium. She is the author of a textbook, a book of essays and two books of poems.

Here we are, halfway through January, and 2022 still feels stultifyingly like 2021. Some of it, of course, is the relentlessness of a global pandemic, with its refusal to submit to human boredom and universal readiness to move on. Some of it is that we still have less than eight hours a day of sunlight here in the Pacific Northwest, so it feels like a perpetual state of dawn and dusk. Some of it, though, is that the outsized year that was 2021 — a year full of the spectacle of a contested presidential transition, the loss of another 400,000 Americans, and the collective exhale at the conviction of Derek Chauvin — slipped away without the shared catharsis it somehow deserved.

I’m feeling restless and stuck in time. More than ever, it seems as if the turn of the year required something extravagant of us. It required us to take to the streets with pots and pans, to release a million bright lanterns, to build a bonfire in the town square, to declare our intentions, to sing forgotten anthems. What I craved on New Year’s Eve—and am still craving—was a ritual that was as over-the-top as that forsaken and blessed year we just left behind.

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