It’s that time of year again — the holidays. A season when our social constructs and traditions bring us together with family and friends who may not share our worldviews. While this can be a source of joy, it can also bring anxiety and fear. Yet, in this season when many of our traditions celebrate “miracles,” there is potential for healing and transformation, provided the will is there and the circumstances are right.
This recent U.S. election cycle has deeply affected many — not just in the United States, but globally. Some are excited, others cautiously optimistic, while many are in pain. Pain often brings fear, anger, confusion, trauma and intense emotions, which can dysregulate our nervous systems. When this happens, we default to fight, flight or freeze responses, making it difficult to access our reasoning brain or approach others with an open heart.
In our current world situation, with closed hearts, we intentionally or unintentionally perceive differences as threats. Unfortunately, family members and those closest to us often become the easiest targets for our fear, frustration and hopelessness. Despite our best intentions — like promising ourselves we won’t discuss politics with Uncle Charlie or Cousin Henk — we sometimes find ourselves in familiar, heated arguments. In the end, these exchanges rarely accomplish anything. What could have been a moment of respite from a hard world leaves us more polarized, cynical and, perhaps, with a bad case of indigestion.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: As long as our need to be right outweighs our desire for genuine reconciliation and collaboration, these patterns will persist. Real change begins when we stop impatiently, arrogantly or violently imposing our views on others and recognize that, regardless of political beliefs, race, gender, gender-choice, religion or economic status, we are all in this together. Only then can we prevent the erosion of our highest values as human beings.
To avoid being trapped in my own reactive mind, I turn to practices that help me reconnect with my heart. I remind myself:
- I cannot fully understand the complexity of what is happening. The facts I have are incomplete. Therefore, I must stay curious and compassionate, and we must appeal to the humanity in others — even those with different views.
- Taking sides doesn’t lead to solutions; it often justifies hate and violence, and it tears down bridges. Our compulsive need to choose sides can dehumanize others. True peace and equity come from building, not destroying, connections.
This holiday season, my intention is to offer nurturing and protection, not opinions or condemnation. I also rely on my “Tips for the Holidays,” which I’ve shared every year since 2016. These tips help maintain self-care while fostering meaningful relationships:
- Set boundaries. Your safety and well-being come first. You have every right to set boundaries, such as avoiding political conversations. If a discussion starts, politely excuse yourself. If you feel confident engaging, make it clear — respectfully — that you are open to discussing politics only if everyone listens with an open heart. If that’s not possible, step away. Understanding the subtleties in setting boundaries can create empowering opportunities for all involved.
- Stay curious. Pay attention to your own words, practice silence and listen actively. The dinner table may not be the best place to share your views. Consider how your attachment to being right might limit understanding. By listening, you may learn something new or find common ground that fosters peace.
- Lead with love and compassion. Remember a time, perhaps 10 or 15 years ago, when things didn’t feel as polarized. If you’re with family or friends, think of the love you’ve shared. While opinions may change and connections may strain, those bonds can transcend politics.
- Prioritize daily practice. Engage in activities that bring you balance and peace, such as jogging, yoga or Tai Chi. These practices can help regulate your nervous system and strengthen your connection to your heart.
- Lean on your support network. Sometimes, reaching out to trusted friends can ease anxiety and tension. Arrange with a few “allies” to be available if you need grounding during the holidays — and offer to do the same for them.
These are just a few ideas. Do you have others? I’d love to hear them.
We are navigating a time of profound transition that offers both challenges and opportunities for growth. While policy and social change are essential, the real work of building a respectful, civil society often starts at the kitchen table, in the company of diverse communities.
Wishing you peace, inner strength and compassion this holiday season — both for yourself and others.
Weston is the founder of the Weston Network, which provides trainings, consulting and coaching.
NECHAMA volunteers work alongside local residents during recovery efforts in Western North Carolina.
