Skip to content
Search

Latest Stories

Top Stories

Let's ponder great men

Let's ponder great men
Getty Images

Katy Byrne, MA, LMFT, is a Marriage and Family Therapist living in the Bay Area for over 35 years and author of The Power of Being Heard. ConversationswithKaty.com.

I know it’s important to write about women’s rights. With our freedom under threat, it’s one more time around the merry-go-round. But we also need mature men to support and protect us.


Males are having growing pains too, if they are honest about it, in these turbulent times. And these days gender is a broad spectrum from she/he/they to binary, etc. But, the point of this writing is the masculine principle and how it plays out.

I remembered my father telling me how he grew up and learned to be a man. He said his father dropped a heavy pitchfork on him as a kid, from a high beam in their barn. Instead of being horrified, his dad acted like he didn’t care that he’d nearly killed his little boy – my dear, kind dad.

I’ll never forget that unusual look on dad’s face telling this story. His teeth tightly gripping his cigar, always such a gentle mouth, now he sneered, “I won’t ever forget that day.” His lips sealed shut, slowly removing his cigar. Almost as if grunting at his own father’s grave. His eyes were stony cold. I’d never seen my father like that, and he never mentioned his dad again.

I imagine he wanted to be finished with it. I felt that he probably believed he was never loved. I wondered, if his father had embraced him or said something caring, maybe his life would have been different.

In Making Sense of Suffering, Konrad Stettbacher writes about crushing memories and unmet needs that leave us still longing: “I need to hear it, need to sense it, need to know that I am loved. Open your mouth for once Dad.”

For most of history, men weren’t allowed to have emotions. So, my father buried his dad inside himself and walked away. Sometimes the past stays stuck in us, like a scar. My dear dad was like many of his earlier generations – guys conditioned to be silent, tough, brutal, aloof, unavailable, dominating, or rude. I see their shame, their regret, in my therapy office, underneath the armor.

Males were taught to wield the sword, instead of dealing with their unmet needs and vulnerabilities. So, the beat goes on and legacies continue - the world is still run by rage and the impulse of the limbic brain to either throw bowling balls through the air, make bombs, hold power over others, or implode, shutting down with heart attacks or depression.

Male psychotherapist Terrence Real describes it well in: I Don’t Want to Talk about It: “To the degree to which a man learns to be strong, and to devalue weakness, his compassion towards frailty, not just in himself but also in those around him may be limited or condescending… the loss of expressivity and the loss of vulnerability inevitably lead to diminished connection with others….”

National or personal defenses block connection, manifesting in stiff upper lips, stern words, sore backs, or a secretly crumbling Humpty Dumpty with a nice guy front. But, the world needs something else desperately, as Terrence Real writes: “Sons don’t want their father’s balls; they want their hearts.”

In the years to come, both men and women will emerge with more whole, integrated selves. That is my hope. We desperately need great men to bequeath to their children an authentic, solid self – able to assert their wishes and also allow their soft underbellies, valuing cooperation above domination, competition and greed.

I still yearn, long after his passing, to walk with my dad to the coffee shop and have more conversations. I wish we could talk about what it would be like to have a world full of good men – with integrity, concern for the common good, empathy and kind words.

Read More

The Economic Models that Made America Great Are Broken

American flag and money

Javier Ghersi/Getty Images

The Economic Models that Made America Great Are Broken

We all want an America where hard work pays, families thrive, and the American Dream is real again. Greatness starts with dignity for workers, safety for communities, and a fair shot for every kid. The promise is simple: if you put in the work, you should be able to raise a family and get ahead—period.

So why do we cling to what is obviously not working for everyday people?

Keep ReadingShow less
Meet the Faces of Democracy: Neal Kelley

Neal Kelley, who served as the registrar of voters for Orange County, California for nearly two decades before retiring from the role in 2022.

Issue One.

Meet the Faces of Democracy: Neal Kelley

Editor’s note: More than 10,000 officials across the country run U.S. elections. This interview is part of a series highlighting the election heroes who are the faces of democracy.

Neal Kelley, a Republican, served as the registrar of voters for Orange County, California for nearly two decades before retiring from the role in 2022. Home to nearly 2 million voters, Orange County, part of the Greater Los Angeles area, is one of the largest jurisdictions by population in the country and the third largest in the state. Kelley is currently the Chair Emeritus of the Committee for Safe and Secure Elections, as well as the statewide project manager for the 2024-2026 elections in Hawaii.

Keep ReadingShow less
Is America Still Welcoming Global Talent?
Close up of american visa label in passport.
Getty Images/Alexander W. Helin

Is America Still Welcoming Global Talent?

A few weeks ago, when new proposals limiting J and F visa expansion were open for public comment, immigration quickly became a hot topic again at our research center, where more than half the scientists come from abroad. Some worried about their plan, others traded news and updates about the H1-B. A colleague asked if I was anxious too. To my own surprise, I wasn’t.

I used to be. But after weathering turbulent visa policies under different U.S. administrations, like many other international scholars, I have learned to stay flexible and mobile. My U.S. visa for a graduate program was delayed due to tensions between the U.S. and China several years ago. Up against a deadline for the program, I pivoted to Japan to continue the research training. What felt like a closed door became a new window: I fortunately joined a world-class team in tissue-engineering vascular medicine, broadened my view of clinical care and research, and began bridging my path as both practitioner and scientist. Committed to strengthening the “bench-to-bed” pipeline—learning real-world needs and translating research to meet them—I chose the United States again to carry this work forward.

Keep ReadingShow less