• Home
  • Independent Voter News
  • Quizzes
  • Election Dissection
  • Sections
  • Events
  • Directory
  • About Us
  • Glossary
  • Opinion
  • Campaign Finance
  • Redistricting
  • Civic Ed
  • Voting
  • Fact Check
  • News
  • Analysis
  • Subscriptions
  • Log in
Leveraging Our Differences
  • news & opinion
    • Big Picture
      • Civic Ed
      • Ethics
      • Leadership
      • Leveraging big ideas
      • Media
    • Business & Democracy
      • Corporate Responsibility
      • Impact Investment
      • Innovation & Incubation
      • Small Businesses
      • Stakeholder Capitalism
    • Elections
      • Campaign Finance
      • Independent Voter News
      • Redistricting
      • Voting
    • Government
      • Balance of Power
      • Budgeting
      • Congress
      • Judicial
      • Local
      • State
      • White House
    • Justice
      • Accountability
      • Anti-corruption
      • Budget equity
    • Columns
      • Beyond Right and Left
      • Civic Soul
      • Congress at a Crossroads
      • Cross-Partisan Visions
      • Democracy Pie
      • Our Freedom
  • Pop Culture
      • American Heroes
      • Ask Joe
      • Celebrity News
      • Comedy
      • Dance, Theatre & Film
      • Diversity, Inclusion & Belonging
      • Faithful & Mindful Living
      • Music, Poetry & Arts
      • Sports
      • Technology
      • Your Take
      • American Heroes
      • Ask Joe
      • Celebrity News
      • Comedy
      • Dance, Theatre & Film
      • Diversity, Inclusion & Belonging
      • Faithful & Mindful Living
      • Music, Poetry & Arts
      • Sports
      • Technology
      • Your Take
  • events
  • About
      • Mission
      • Advisory Board
      • Staff
      • Contact Us
Sign Up
  1. Home>
  2. ask joe>

Ask Joe: Does conflict in the workplace lead to better results?

Joe Weston
October 29, 2021
Ask Joe: Does conflict in the workplace lead to better results?

Weston is executive director of the Fierce Civility Project and the author of "Mastering Respectful Confrontation."

Hey Joe,

My work colleague thinks conflict is good and leads to better results. Some of my other colleagues seem to be okay with his abrasive, combative behavior. He likes to make fun of me and calls me "sensitive" if I call him on it. It's exhausting. How can I deal with him?

Bullied and Exhausted


Hi, Exhausted

I can imagine you are having a tough time if you are feeling both bullied and exhausted. My first suggestion is to see what steps you can take to cultivate "resilience." In the Fierce Civility practice, we define resilience as the capacity to address challenges with ease, skill and confidence. Resilience is not enduring struggles. When you have cultivated what we call "resilient power," you feel physically vital, emotionally stable and mentally clear. Are you pushing yourself — a kind of self-bullying — to work in a way that isn't serving you, causing you to burn out? What self-care practices can you build into your day to reduce exhaustion and increase your energy and effectiveness?

Now let's address the issue with your colleague. Start with asking some clarifying questions. In the conflict resolution world, you will often hear about "good" conflict and "bad" conflict. Bad conflict causes harm. Good conflict can use the tension of differences to initiate more creativity and focus. At the Fierce Civility Project we try to minimize the need to use words like "good" and "bad," which, as judgments, can create separation. The important question is, "To what degree is the conflict bringing harm, benefits or some combination of both?"

Sign up for The Fulcrum newsletter

So, on some level, if he is suggesting that using "good" conflict can inspire, focus and make the team more effective, and if it works for everyone involved, I can see his viewpoint. So, I would suggest asking him, in a truly curious, respectful way, "What do you mean by conflict?" And, "What do you think it should look like?" If it includes respect and a commitment to not harming, then I would say try it out. You may develop more resilience in the process.

However, stating that conflict is a way to get better results could be a way to excuse harmful behavior, or avoid being held accountable for bullying. This is different. If he has no concern about harming others, then I would start with clarifying and stating your boundaries. Where do you draw the line with how you are treated? When does the process of dealing with challenges and deadlines go from feeling uncomfortable (which can be healthy) to feeling unsafe?

You can't change people, but, with respect and patience, you can influence behavior. Find a time and place when you can talk to him, where you both feel safe and not attacked. Make him aware of his specific behavior without judgment, how it is affecting you, and what you would need to function in a work environment that is productive and not exhausting. Can you clarify why this way of working feels exhausting for you? Hopefully this will make him consider his approach.

Perhaps add the message, "I can see how you might think that this is a good strategy for getting the best out of people. And I can see how it works with some. I would like to continue to do my best work. However, with my kind of personality and value system, using conflict is not the best strategy to get me to excel. Can we discuss other options?"

I am not guaranteeing that this will get him to suddenly behave differently, but it is certainly a start in terms of helping you clarify what your boundaries are and how to advocate for yourself. Feel free to get back in touch if you have any more questions (or check out my book, "Mastering Respectful Confrontation," to find out more ways to effectively confront someone, as well as ways to cultivate more resilient power).

With clarifying power,

Joe

"Ask Joe" is dedicated to exploring the best ways to transform tensions and bridge divides. Our resident advice columnist and conflict resolution specialist, Joe Weston, is here to answer your questions in order to resolve tension, polarization, or conflict.

To Ask Joe, please submit questions to: AskJoe@Fulcrum.us.
From Your Site Articles
  • Ask Joe - Why Do My Friends Distrust Media But Believe YouTube ... ›
  • Ask Joe - The Fulcrum ›
  • Polarization in Our Workplaces & Communities - The Fulcrum ›
  • Ask Joe: Navigating holiday tensions - The Fulcrum ›
Related Articles Around the Web
  • What is workplace conflict? - Human Resources - Grand Valley State ... ›
  • 5 Keys of Dealing with Workplace Conflict ›
  • Managing Workplace Conflict ›
ask joe
Get some Leverage Sign up for The Fulcrum Newsletter
Follow
Contributors

The ‘great replacement theory’ is nonsense

Debilyn Molineaux

Caught in a draft

Lawrence Goldstone

Congress shows signs of bipartisanship with retirement benefits bill

Mario H. Lopez

Fair representation: More Black people needed in STEM today

Jennifer Stimpson

First instincts, second thoughts

Debilyn Molineaux

It’s time to build a global pro-democracy movement

Yordanos Eyoel
Hahrie Han
latest News

Elections require more consistent federal funding, per report

Reya Kumar
9h

Podcast: A new understanding of the right

Our Staff
17h

Supreme Court continues to chip away at campaign finance laws

David Meyers
17 May

Podcast: Depolarizing America

Our Staff
17 May

Inflation will hit health of low-income Americans hardest

Robert Pearl
17 May

Voters head to the polls in five states, with GOP nominating battles dominating headlines

David Meyers
16 May
Videos

Video: Helping loved ones divided by politics

Our Staff

Video: What happened in Virginia?

Our Staff

Video: Infrastructure past, present, and future

Our Staff

Video: Beyond the headlines SCOTUS 2021 - 2022

Our Staff

Video: Should we even have a debt limit

Our Staff

Video: #ListenFirstFriday Yap Politics

Our Staff
Podcasts

Podcast: Did economists move the Democrats to the right?

Our Staff
02 May

Podcast: The future of depolarization

Our Staff
11 February

Podcast: Sore losers are bad for democracy

Our Staff
20 January

Deconstructed Podcast from IVN

Our Staff
08 November 2021
Recommended
North Carolina primary election workers

Elections require more consistent federal funding, per report

Podcast: A new understanding of the right

Podcast: A new understanding of the right

Leveraging big ideas
Memorial for victims of Buffalo shooting

The ‘great replacement theory’ is nonsense

Media
Sen. Ted Cruz and Judge Amy Coney Barrett

Supreme Court continues to chip away at campaign finance laws

Podcast: Depolarizing America

Podcast: Depolarizing America

Leadership
medical expenses

Inflation will hit health of low-income Americans hardest

Leveraging big ideas