Skip to content
Search

Latest Stories

Top Stories

A cure for chronic niceness

Joe Weston

Weston is the founder of the Weston Network, which provides trainings, consulting and coaching.

For those who have been following my “Ask Joe” articles for the last two and a half years, you have seen me write often about a pattern that many of us fall into — one I call “chronic niceness.” The purpose of these articles was to offer concrete ways to put our highest ideals of bridge-building and softening the rigidity of stagnant polarization into action in our moment-to-moment reality.

Whether at work, with family members or with advocacy work, the questions were often focused on how to confront a bully without becoming a bully. In our current national and global climate, where lack of civility is not only the norm but seems to be rewarded, how can we still be effective, be heard and have lasting impact without losing connection to our highest values and principles?


This is the theme of my recent TEDx Talk, “A Cure for Chronic Niceness.”

A Cure for Chronic Niceness | Joe Weston | TEDxYoungstownyoutu.be

I am so grateful that I had the opportunity through that forum to share my vision of how to overcome the challenges of our time and activate our voices in a more empowered way. My hope is this message reaches many to offer some hope, inspiration and courage in a time that seems so despairing.

Sign up for The Fulcrum newsletter

Yes, the world does seem to be out of control. And I do believe it is possible to break the gridlock of stagnant polarization, overcome arguments and fights, get back to hope, and initiate the emergence of new solutions to our current problems. How we talk matters. And while many communication models offer powerful ways to deal with or overcome aggression, I assert that we won’t see any lasting change until we also address a much-forgotten part of the equation — our deep-seated attachment to chronic niceness.

In this talk, I explain what chronic niceness is and how it causes harm, and then offer an alternative to chronic niceness — fierce civility. I provide simple yet effective tools and strategies to overcome this chronic pattern in order to empower more of us to courageously create a hopeful vision for a better future free from both chronic niceness and aggressive habits.

I hope you take a moment to watch my TED Talk. I’d love to hear what you think. What’s your relationship with chronic niceness? Get in touch if you have any questions

You can learn more about these tools, skills and strategies at my site.

Please share this talk with those you know who get stuck in patterns of chronic niceness. My hope is that more of us step up and become what I call “catalysts of fierce hope.” If there was ever a time when it was needed, it’s now!

With fierce gratitude.

Read More

silhouettes of people arguing in front of an America flag
Pict Rider/Getty Images

'One side will win': The danger of zero-sum framings

Elwood is the author of “Defusing American Anger” and hosts thepodcast “People Who Read People.”

Recently, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito was surreptitiously recorded at a private event saying, about our political divides, that “one side or the other is going to win.” Many people saw this as evidence of his political bias. In The Washington Post, Perry Bacon Jr. wrote that he disagreed with Alito’s politics but that the justice was “right about the divisions in our nation today.” The subtitle of Bacon’s piece was: “America is in the middle of a nonmilitary civil war, and one side will win.”

It’s natural for people in conflict to see it in “us versus them” terms — as two opposing armies facing off against each other on the battlefield. That’s what conflict does to us: It makes us see things through war-colored glasses.

Keep ReadingShow less
David French

New York Times columnist David French was removed from the agenda of a faith-basd gathering because we was too "divisive."

Macmillan Publishers

Is canceling David French good for civic life?

Harwood is president and founder of The Harwood Institute. This is the latest entry in his series based on the "Enough. Time to Build.” campaign, which calls on community leaders and active citizens to step forward and build together.

On June 10-14, the Presbyterian Church in America held its annual denominational assembly in Richmond, Va. The PCA created considerable national buzz in the lead-up when it abruptly canceled a panel discussion featuring David French, the highly regarded author and New York Times columnist.

The panel carried the innocuous-sounding title, “How to Be Supportive of Your Pastor and Church Leaders in a Polarized Political Year.” The reason for canceling it? French, himself a long-time PCA member, was deemed too “divisive.” This despite being a well-known, self-identified “conservative” and PCA adherent. Ironically, the loudest and most divisive voices won the day.

Keep ReadingShow less
Young girl holding a sparkler and wearing an American flag shirt
Rebecca Nelson/Getty Images

Three approaches to Independence Day

Anderson edited "Leveraging: A Political, Economic and Societal Framework," has taught at five universities and ran for the Democratic nomination for a Maryland congressional seat in 2016.

July Fourth is not like Christmas or Rosh Hashanah, holidays that create a unified sense of celebration among celebrants. On Christmas, Christians throughout the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. On Rosh Hashanah, Jews throughout the world celebrate the Jewish New Year.

Yet on the Fourth of July, apart from the family gatherings, barbecues and drinking, we take different approaches. Some Americans celebrate the declaration of America's independence from Great Britain and especially the value of freedom. And some Americans reject the holiday, because they believe it highlights the self-contradiction of the United States, which created a nation in which some would be free and some would be enslaved. And other Americans are conflicted between these two points of view.

Keep ReadingShow less
Fireworks on July 4
Roy Rochlin/Getty Images

One country, one constitution, one destiny

Lockard is an Iowa resident who regularly contributes to regional newspapers and periodicals. She is working on the second of a four-book fictional series based on Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice."

“One country, one constitution, one destiny,” Daniel Webster said in a historic 1837 speech defending the American Union.

This of Fourth of July, 187 years after Webster’s speech and the 248th anniversary of the signing of our Declaration of Independence, Webster would no doubt be dismayed to find his quote reconstrued by popular opinion to read something like this:

“Divided country, debated constitution, and as for destiny, we’re going to hell in a hand-basket.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Rich Harwood
Harwood Institute

Meet the change leaders: Rich Harwood

Nevins is co-publisher of The Fulcrum and co-founder and board chairman of the Bridge Alliance Education Fund.

After working on more than 20 political campaigns and two highly respected nonprofits, Rich Harwood set out to create something entirely different. He founded what is now known as The Harwood Institute for Public Innovation in 1988, when he was just 27 years old (and is now its president). Soon after, he wrote the ground-breaking report “Citizen and Politics: A View from Main Street,” the first national study to uncover that Americans did not feel apathetic about politics, but instead held a deep sense of anger and disconnection.

Over the past 30 years, Rich has innovated and developed a new philosophy and practice for how communities can solve shared problems, create a culture of shared responsibility and deepen people’s civic faith. The Harwood practice of Turning Outward has spread to all 50 states and is being used in 40 countries.

Keep ReadingShow less