Hi Joe,
I have a question that is more personal and not about societal change. I hope it’s ok to ask. I have a boss who shuts me down at meetings. He tends to let everyone else finish what they are saying (most of the team are men), but it seems when I share something, he loses patience.
I don’t know if he’s aware of it. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid. Should I say something? All I know is that I want to quit.
Any suggestions?
Shut down
Hello Shut Down,
First of all, yes! This is the right place for asking more specific personal questions around the themes of communication, conflict, relationship building and self-care, as well as larger issues.
I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing that and I hope I can offer some insights. Since I’m not getting the full context, nor your boss’s perspective, I can only respond based on your version of the story. That isn’t to imply that you might not be telling the truth; it’s simply acknowledging that it is virtually impossible for any of us to give a 100 percent accurate depiction of any issue or situation.
This is a common situation we often discuss in the world of leadership development. The overall reasons why someone may leave their job is not necessarily that they don’t like their work, but that they are unhappy with management or don’t feel valued. In my trainings on Resilient and Inclusive leadership, I quote former Secretary of the Treasury, Paul O’ Neill: “Human beings have discretionary energy, and they would give it to you if you treat them with dignity and respect.”
In other words, when people feel valued and are acknowledged for the contributions they are making, the more likely they will invest more in the health and success of the organization. In order to create a work environment that is thriving, attention has to be paid to creating more safety and trust.
I bring this up as a way to set up how you might consider approaching your boss, Shut Down. The first thing to consider is would you feel safe discussing this with him? If not, then perhaps you can ask someone to join you in this conversation as support. Or you may conclude that this is not the best environment for you to feel satisfaction or fulfillment in your work.
If you decide to talk with him, ask yourself what your desired outcome would be. This is important because oftentimes we think we are going into these conversations with the best intentions for win-win solutions, but the wounded, unconscious parts of us just want the other to hurt in some way. This never leads to beneficial outcomes. Before you draw your conclusions, do an objective examination of the situation.
What is true in this situation is that you notice that he cuts you off when you are speaking. Until you ask, you don’t know for a fact what his intentions are. Is he purposefully shutting you down? Or is it an unconscious pattern that he does with all women? Is it a coincidence that he is doing it to you, a woman? Does he do it with others? And I would suggest you also take a moment to consider that maybe you are taking up too much of the meeting with your words? I’m not placing blame; I’m acknowledging the importance of delineating what is fact and what is interpretation, or accusation, or judgment.
I believe that it is impossible, and even aggressive, to try to change people, but you can support them, with patience and compassion, to modify their behavior. So, when you speak to him, I would suggest sticking to what can be verified and name the behavior: you notice when you are talking in meetings, that he cuts you off. Then give him a chance to respond. It is in this moment that you get a lot of important information. Based on his reaction, you will see if he is aware of his actions, or if he gets defensive or immediately apologizes, to name a few.
After this initial response, you will have an idea of how to proceed in the conversation. If he is still willing to hear your truth, then share with him how this behavior impacts you. You’ve already named it: you feel shut down. After sharing this, once again, give him a chance to respond.
If he is still open to hearing your truth, then let him know what you would need in these situations to feel empowered. If you didn’t feel shut down, what would you feel instead? And what would you need to feel this new way? Maybe inquire what your boss might need in these situations as a way to show interest in supporting him in shifting his behavior? By both of you expressing your needs, and both of you working together to help each other get your needs met, you create the space for new win-win solutions, feeling valued and respected.
This sounds easier than it is, Shut Down. My hope with my response is to support you in starting your process of analysis which could lead to some clarity on what your best options and actions could be for this situation.
Honor your authentic voice,
Joe
Learn more about Joe Weston and his work here. Make sure to c heck out Joe’s bestselling book Fierce Civility: Transforming our Global Culture from Polarization to Lasting Peace, published March 2023.
Have a question for Joe? Send an email to AskJoe@fulcrum.us.
A golden tray sits on the Resolute Desk as President Donald Trump speaks during an announcement on American nuclear innovation in the Oval Office at the White House on July 24, 2026, in Washington, D.C. Trump is signing multiple executive orders targeting the nuclear energy sector and easing rules for new reactors and nuclear fuel supply chains.
Trump’s hubris rivals the fallen heroes of ancient Greek mythology
In January, the New York Times asked President Donald Trump if there were any limits on his global powers.
“Yeah,” the president responded, “there is one thing. My own morality. My own mind. It’s the only thing that can stop me.”
That was eight months ago, but fortunately Christopher Nolan’s blockbuster adaptation of “The Odyssey” has made ancient Greek literature newly relevant. Before that window closes, I’d like to talk about hubris.
Today, the term mostly means excessive pride or arrogance. That’s part of what the Greeks meant by it too, but the meaning was a bit richer and more specific. Hubris was an insolent or outrageous act that offended the gods, often because the transgressor was claiming abilities or authorities that solely belonged to supreme beings.
Nolan renamed and slightly modified the concept of xenia for the film, calling it “Zeus’ law.” In the director’s telling, mortals should follow the rules laid out by the gods, specifically the requirement to treat strangers with respect lest they be gods in disguise.
In a sense, hubris is the opposite, or at least the rejection, of xenia. The hubris of the suitors, and at times Odysseus himself, invites punishment by the gods and their mortal instruments.
Which brings me back to Donald Trump. His claim that there are no constraints on his personal power to dictate events on the global stage was one of the greatest expressions of hubris ever uttered by a political leader.
Trump’s claim was obviously false when he made it.
He vowed that he could end the Russia-Ukraine war in 24 hours. He’s proved powerless to make that happen. If he had divine powers to work his will, why would he have balked at implementing his tariffs so often that Wall Street adopted the “TACO trade” term for his deals? “TACO” stands for “Trump always chickens out.”
And why would Trump have made so many embarrassing concessions to China — from rescinding tariffs on Chinese goods to allowing them to buy crucial and incredibly valuable computer chips?
But Trump saw his success at capturing Venezuelan strongman Nicolas Maduro as proof of his ability to launch missiles to the same effect as Zeus’ lightning bolts. Trump believed he was the most powerful man who ever lived.
This is no exaggeration. In March, when the Iran invasion seemed successful, Trump gave a document penned by“Presidential Historian David King” to New York Times reporters Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan purporting to prove that Trump was “the most powerful person to have EVER walked this planet.” King was, in fact, a businessman and occasional caddy for legendary golfer Gary Player.
King compared Trump favorably to many of history’s most powerful, and often heinous, figures: Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun, William the Conqueror, Napoleon Bonaparte, Joseph Stalin, Genghis Khan, Mao Tse Tung, Adolf Hitler and Vladimir Lenin. Many of these men thought they were the most powerful person in the world, too. And many were defeated precisely because they believed it.
At least Napoleon and Hitler had a string of truly impressive victories before they learned the folly of hubris. The limits on Trump’s power have been exposed by far less august forces than the combined might of the allies in World War II or the fearsome Russian winter.
Iran is a comparatively middling power. But the regime’s ability to absorb punishment while imposing its will on the Strait of Hormuz has proved to be a greater constraint on Trump’s power than his morality or mind. We should note that, at least rhetorically, his morality has not proved much of a constraint. He has repeatedly promised to destroy Iranian “civilization” if the regime refuses to capitulate.
But they haven’t — and won’t anytime soon — because the regime’s tolerance for pain far outstrips Trump’s. The combined fear of skyrocketing oil prices, outrage of Gulf state potentates, diminishing weapon supplies and domestic unpopularity is doing the work that international law, congressional oversight and the collective opinion of foreign policy experts can’t or won’t do.
If I considered Trump more heroic than reason and facts could allow, I would say his Sisyphean predicament has the whiff of Greek tragedy to it. Trump is vexed by the fact that the Iranians won’t honor deals or ratify his countless premature claims of victory — giving new meaning to his vow that his presidency would make people tired of winning. It’s almost like they’re out-Trumping Trump.
Things might have gone better if he’d heeded that great Greek tragedian Sophocles: “For Zeus utterly abhors the boasts of a proud tongue.”
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Jonah Goldberg is editor-in-chief of The Dispatch and the host of The Remnant podcast. His Twitter handle is @JonahDispatch.