The Problem isn’t Masculinity – It’s the Men Modeling It

From the White House to Harvard to Buckingham Palace, 2026 has become a masterclass in how men should not behave. Donald Trump tweeted in expletives on a religious holiday, threatening to decimate “a whole civilization.” Larry Summers—one of the world's most powerful academics—resigned in disgrace from Harvard. Before that, Prince Andrew was arrested. This year alone, Bill Gates, George Mitchell, and other prominent men have been exposed for inappropriate, abusive, or generally shameful behavior.

In short, men aren't looking good right now—especially as role models for young men. Now more than ever, we need good men to step up for our boys.

Young men are in trouble. They are telling us that they feel more alone, depressed, and isolated than ever. They are not thriving in today’s society: Their grades are worse than girls’, they’re less likely to graduate high school on time, and they're less likely to enroll in college. Most worrisome of all is the rise in male suicide.

When boys grow up without experienced, grounded, consistent, accountable male guidance, we should not be surprised when concerning behavior becomes their norm.

Research shows that trusted adult men—fathers, friends, teachers, community members, and others—can make a difference. Decades of developmental science affirm that children—both boys and girls—benefit from the involvement of a warm, responsive father. A systematic review of 24 publications showed that father engagement reduced behavioral problems in boys and psychological problems in girls. Other studies show that boys with an engaged father were less likely to misuse substances and were better able to manage their stress well into adulthood. In fact, research group Child Trends argues that positive engagement with fathers is not just essential; it is critical for healthy development.

Fortunately for the 25 percent of U.S. children who don’t live with their dads, these benefits are not limited to fathers. They also come from adult role models, especially men. Research shows that a strong safety net made up of many trusted adults, including men, can fill the gap. For instance, one study found that high school seniors who had a trusted relationship with a non-parental adult had better mental health a year later. Overall, children benefit from a safety net that extends beyond their households.

Today, that safety net is provided mostly by women, from babysitters to teachers to school counselors. Their contributions are indispensable. But the imbalance points to a missed opportunity. Boys and young men need to see men in ordinary, everyday settings embodying a healthier version of masculinity.

What would that look like?

It would mean modeling emotional intelligence: listening with attention, communicating with clarity, and managing anger without violence. It would mean demonstrating respect—for women, for peers, for oneself—and valuing effort, responsibility, and care for others. Scholars of “positive masculinity” like Matt Englar-Carlson, Ph.D., director of the Center for Boys and Men, have long argued that these traits are not deviations from manhood but its most positive expression.

It would also mean changing how men engage with each other, especially younger men. According to a report by Next Gen Men, more than four out of five boys had someone they felt they could trust when they were having a tough time; but only 16% actually asked for help. The cultural expectation of self-reliance remains powerful. Adult men can begin to dismantle it by doing something simple and radical: asking, directly and consistently, “Are you okay?”—and offering help.

Finally, it would require visibility. Cultural norms are shaped not only by private behavior, but by what is seen and acknowledged. As Dr. Niobe Way, director of New York University’s Human Connection Lab, notes, “boy culture” often rewards emotional suppression and dominance while sidelining vulnerability and empathy. Yet research on social behavior suggests that positive expressions—care, accountability, kindness—are contagious when made visible. For instance, when people are exposed to positive, prosocial emotions in their social media feed, they tend to post more positively.

Visibility becomes contagious. Men need to make their good behavior and compassion visible because young people are watching. In what many are calling the Artemis II effect, the crew named their spacecraft Integrity and then lived it—modeling humility, connection, and trust as millions watched them make history. Their character mattered. According to Lawrence Kohlberg’s Development of Moral Thought, when young people see adults model integrity like taking accountability after making a mistake, showing care and affection with friends and family, and challenging disrespect to others when it happens, they then develop their own internal standards. We need to do more of this.

None of this ignores the reality that public trust in men has been shaken, often for good reason. Revelations of abuse and exploitation—from the #MeToo movement to the Epstein scandal—have forced a necessary reckoning. Some men may hesitate to step into mentoring roles out of fear or uncertainty. But retreat is not the answer. The need is too great.

Any honest conversation about gender must also recognize that young people experience identity in diverse and complex ways. Even so, the behavior of men—how they wield power, express emotion, and treat others—continues to exert a profound influence on the social landscape.

The question is not whether masculinity will shape our boys, but whether masculinity will be shaped by men willing to lead with character and integrity. In a time defined by the worst examples of male behavior, the most important act today may be for good men (the many out there!) to live in such a way that children never have to wonder what healthy masculinity looks like.

Claudia-Santi F. Fernandes, Ed.D., is an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center. She is a public voices fellow of The OpEd Project.